Choosing Funeral Readings and Poems: Finding the Right Words
At a time when there is already a great deal to think about, choosing funeral readings and poems can feel surprisingly difficult. How do you sum up a person’s life, character or relationships in just a few lines? Should the words be moving, comforting, religious, reflective – or perhaps even make people smile?
The reassuring answer is that there is no single “right” choice. The best funeral readings and poems are those that feel appropriate for the person being remembered and for the family and friends gathered to say goodbye.
What can be read at a funeral?
Almost anything can form part of a funeral service, provided it feels appropriate to the occasion and the person.
Traditional poems remain popular. Well-known choices such as Death Is Nothing At All by Henry Scott Holland, Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye and Remember by Christina Rossetti have brought comfort to generations of families.
For a religious funeral, a passage from the Bible may be particularly meaningful. Psalm 23 and 1 Corinthians 13 are familiar choices, but a minister can suggest other passages that reflect a person’s faith or the message a family wishes to convey.
For non-religious and less formal services, the possibilities are even wider. Poetry, prose, quotations and extracts from literature can all work beautifully.
We have put together a List of Common Funeral Readings and Poems for families looking for inspiration, but it is very much a starting point rather than a prescribed list.
How do you choose a reading for a funeral?
Rather than beginning with the question, “What are you supposed to read at a funeral?”, it can help to ask:
What would feel like them?
Think about their personality, beliefs, interests and outlook on life. Were they sentimental or matter-of-fact? Did they have a strong faith? Were they known for their sense of humour? Did they love the countryside, gardening, sport, animals or a particular author?
Sometimes a reading immediately feels right. At other times, families can read through dozens without finding one that quite fits. That is completely normal.
There is also no requirement for a reading to mention death at all. A piece about love, friendship, family, nature or simply living a good life can be every bit as meaningful.
Can a funeral reading be funny?
Absolutely – where it suits the person.
Funerals naturally contain sadness, but they do not have to be solemn from beginning to end. A carefully chosen humorous or slightly quirky funeral reading can provide a moment of warmth and recognition.
Jenny Joseph’s Warning – better known by its opening line about wearing purple – is one example of a poem that can raise a smile while celebrating individuality. For someone whose life revolved around farming, a reading such as Close the Gate might feel far more personal than a traditional funeral poem.
But you can go much further.
An extract from a favourite book, a passage connected with a lifelong hobby, a humorous piece they loved, or even something that makes perfect sense only to the people who knew them can be incredibly effective.
There is something rather special about hearing laughter at a funeral because a few words have captured someone’s character perfectly.
Making a funeral reading personal
Some of the most memorable readings are not established funeral readings at all.
You might adapt a poem to include a person’s name or characteristics, write something especially for the occasion, use an extract from a letter, or choose words the person themselves was fond of saying.
Children and grandchildren can also contribute. A short memory, a few sentences about a grandparent, or something written in their own words can sometimes be more affecting than a famous poem.
Personalisation does not have to be elaborate. Often it is the small details that make a funeral feel unmistakably about the person who has died.
Who should read at a funeral?
A reading is often given by a family member or close friend, and for some people being asked to read is a real honour.
However, nobody should feel under pressure to do so.
Reading aloud at the funeral of someone close to you can be extremely difficult. Even somebody who is normally a confident public speaker may find the emotion of the occasion overwhelming.
If you would rather not read yourself, the minister or celebrant conducting the service can usually read it on your behalf. Another family member or friend could also step in.
If you do decide to read, having a printed copy in a clear, reasonably large typeface can help. Read slowly, allow yourself pauses and, most importantly, don’t worry about becoming emotional. Nobody listening will expect perfection.
There are no rules about finding the “perfect” words
A funeral reading does not need to be profound, famous or universally understood.
It simply needs to mean something.
For one family that might be a much-loved Bible passage. For another, a traditional poem about loss. For someone else, it could be a few funny lines that immediately remind everyone in the room of the person they have come to remember.
Our funeral directors regularly help families consider readings, poems, music and other ways of making a funeral service more personal. We also have a List of Common Funeral Readings and Poems available for inspiration.
And if nothing on the list feels quite right, that may simply be a sign that you need to look somewhere a little less conventional.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the most popular reading for a funeral?
There is no single reading that is right for every funeral, although traditional choices such as Death Is Nothing At All, Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep and She Is Gone (He Is Gone) remain popular. The best funeral reading is usually one that reflects the personality, beliefs or relationships of the person who has died.
Can you have a non-religious reading at a funeral?
Yes. Non-religious funeral readings and poems are very common, including at services which contain some religious elements. Poetry, literature, personal writing and meaningful quotations can all be incorporated into a funeral service.
How many readings should you have at a funeral?
There is no set number. One carefully chosen reading may be enough, while other services might include two or three readings from different family members or friends. It is usually better to choose readings because they add something meaningful to the service rather than trying to achieve a particular number.
